


apply liberally to affected area twice a day

by wizened_cynic



Category: Gilmore Girls, Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Crack, Crossover, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-12
Updated: 2010-02-12
Packaged: 2017-10-08 07:37:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/74224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wizened_cynic/pseuds/wizened_cynic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex gets the chicken pox.</p>
            </blockquote>





	apply liberally to affected area twice a day

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU where Alex is relocated to Stars Hollow during her time in WPP and befriends a fast-talking caffeine-addicted innkeeper with pretty hair and awesome boobs. Written back in 2006.

  
Flu season in Stars Hollow, and Taylor's been distributing propaganda about flu shots, harassing everybody at town meetings and issuing formal warnings to whomever he catches sneezing in a public arena.

"Someone should tell him that flu shots don't work when you're already coming down with the flu," Alex says as Taylor hands her a flyer on her way to Luke's.

"You could, but he's not going to let anybody with a runny nose anywhere near him unless he's wearing a biohazard suit," says Lorelai, scrunching up the flyer and tossing it into a wastebasket. She misses and the paper ball rolls out onto the street.

Alex sighs and picks it up. "Not exactly NBA material, are you?"

"Wow, somebody's a real little Miss Crankypants this morning."

"Who actually uses the term 'little Miss Crankypants?'"

"Little Miss Crankypants's roommate, who likes to drive Little Miss Crankypants crazy?"

Alex tries to think of an acerbic retort, but her brain feels as though it's been injected with liquid iron and every joint in her body aches. She wants to go home and sleep for five days, but she's hungry. Hungry and nauseous, which is an impossibly delightful combination.

Damn flu season.

"What's wrong with Claire?" Luke asks when they're ready to order.

"Didn't get a flu shot," Lorelai answers, "and won't see a doctor."

"Don't need a doctor," Alex corrects. It's only the flu and she can self-medicate, always has self-medicated; she doesn't need someone telling her that antibiotics won't help and that she should just get some rest and drink lots of fluids.

"Doctors are frightening," Luke concedes. "Cheeseburgers for both of you?"

"I'll have mine with a side of fries," says Lorelai.

"I'll have mine with a side of Tylenol," says Alex.

  
*

"Alex."

It's Olivia's voice.

"Claire."

No, it's Lorelai's.

Alex feels a cool hand on her forehead. It's a welcoming cold, like a bottle of Coke on a summer day, and she wants to press it to her skin forever.

"Claire, you've got to see a doctor."

"No, I don't. I'm fine," Alex says. She reaches for a spot on her arm that has been itching for days. "I can sleep it off." She scratches harder, but the itch doesn't go away.

"Hey, let me see that." Lorelai whips the covers off the bed, and it's suddenly freezing cold, so cold Alex's skin stings. Her eyelids burn from behind.

"It's just a rash I got from being allergic to something," Alex protests, but Lorelai grabs her arm and pushes up the sleeve. Lorelai studies it for a long moment before setting Alex's arm down and tucking the blanket back around her.

"I'm calling the doctor," Lorelai says, and the look on her face tells Alex not to argue with her.

Alex doesn't.

  
*

The good thing about Stars Hollow is that, in some ways, it's a small town stuck in the sixties, which means the doctor still makes house calls.

The bad thing about Stars Hollow is that apparently here, Kirk is a registered nurse.

"Interesting," Kirk says, observing the frolicking eggplants printed on the fabric of Alex's pajamas. Lorelai's pajamas. Alex isn't usually one for sharing clothes, but the pajamas were clean and it wasn't like she'd anticipated having strangers parade into her bedroom and ogling her sleepwear.

She hadn't anticipated her diagnosis either.

"Chicken pox?" she says, incredulous at Dr Hedy's pronouncement.

"I knew it," says Lorelai. "She was itchy, scratchy, crabby, and feverish. Four of the seven dwarves right there."

Alex glares at Lorelai and continues, "I can't have the chicken pox. I'm too old to have the chicken pox. I already had the chicken pox when I was younger."

"You definitely have the chicken pox," the doctor reassures in a manner that isn't at all reassuring. "Chicken pox can be very serious in adults, so you've got to be careful. Do you have any idea where you caught it from?"

"I haven't known anybody who's gotten the chicken pox since third grade."

Lorelai clears her throat and says, "Actually, she might have caught the chicken pox from Davey. Sookie's little boy? We babysat him last week."

The doctor seems satisfied with the answer. Alex isn't. Now she has another reason to add to her Why She Hates Babysitting and Will Never Do It Again Even If Lorelai Whines and Begs  list.

"I'll prescribe something to help relieve the symptoms," Dr. Hedy says. He packs his things into a little black bag and reminds Alex of the movie that she and Lorelai watched on A &amp; E the other night, the one where a brother and sister are trapped in a television show in the 1950's. "Now, you'll need to keep an eye on her, Lorelai. Make sure it doesn't turn into pneumonia or encephalitis. I want you to call me if she gets any sicker."

"I'll take good care of her," says Lorelai.

She starts by kicking Kirk out of the room.

  
*

Alex wakes up the next morning, looking like a walking advertisement for leprosy. People don't contract leprosy anymore, she's sure, but it's the first disease that comes to mind.

"Don't scratch!"

She looks up to see Lorelai in the doorway. "What are you doing here?"

"The Dragonfly is in good hands. I made Michel swear in blood not to murder any of the guests. I am officially staying here and making sure you don't die of pox-related complications." Lorelai waves a pile of papers over her head.

"Did you just Google all of that?" asks Alex, and Lorelai grins.

"I'll tell you more over breakfast," Lorelai says, reaching for Alex when Alex tries to stand up. She holds onto Alex's arm, propping her up as they go into the kitchen, which isn't necessary, but Alex lets her anyway.

  
*

  
Lorelai runs her a bath, promising that it will cure the itching. Alex peers at the gruel-colored murk in the bathtub and asks, "What is this?"

"Two-parts oatmeal, two-parts baking soda, and I held out on the nutmeg."

"You're not going to cook me, are you?"

"Don't be silly," Lorelai scoffs. "I wouldn't touch oatmeal with a ten-foot pole."

Alex soaks in the tub until the water is cold and flecks of Quaker Oats cling to her skin. The itching really is receding, she realizes, surprised. She feels like herself again, even if she looks like a picture on a poster from a dermatologist's office. Her mind drifts off, and when the door opens she instinctively dives back under the water.

"What the hell, Lorelai!" she shouts as Lorelai bursts in.

"I'm missing my sparkly clips. Have you seen them? The ones with the rhinestones?"

"Haven't you ever learned to knock?"

"I'm not looking at you! I have my eyes closed!"

"Well, maybe that's why you can't find what you're looking for!"

"Ugh! Catch-22." Lorelai rummages through the drawers and finally locates the hairclips. "Found them!" she declares matter-of-factly, and walks out of the bathroom, once again reinforcing the fact that not a single person in this town understands the concept of personal boundaries.

  
*

Her throat's too swollen for dinner, and when Lorelai asks her if her neck is stiff or if her eyes are sensitive to bright lights, Lorelai is actually concerned, and not simply tormenting Alex with her internet-based knowledge on chicken pox.

"I'm all right. Just let me sleep." Alex crawls back into her bed and closes her eyes. She hears the blood pounding against her temples. Her breath is short puffs of hot air against her sheets.

She dreams of dying a second time.

  
*

_Stay with me, Alex, sweetie. Stay with me._

She wakes up, a scream lodged in her throat. She flails, grabs at the first thing her hand can find, and then the room's bright, and her eyes can't focus, and she hears Lorelai. "Claire? Claire, sweetie. It's all right."

She's in Stars Hollow, and it's Lorelai calling her sweetie, it's Lorelai's hand she's holding, Lorelai. Lorelai.

"Bad dream?" Lorelai's voice is soft, and so are her fingers as they brush the sweaty hair away from Alex's face. She helps Alex into a sitting position and holds a glass of water to her lips.

Alex drinks; the water is cold and tastes metallic and sweet. Like blood, but not quite.

"What were you dreaming about?" Lorelai asks.

"I don't remember." _Guns and bullets and white heat ripping through flesh and bone._

Alex hands the empty glass to Lorelai, who sets it on the nightstand and slides down under the covers with her. The bed is too small, Alex wants to point out. Their legs are touching, and her skin is scabby and red and disgusting, but she doesn't say anything, and lets Lorelai run her fingers through her hair until she falls asleep.

*

Alex feels better the next morning. Her fever's gone, and enough oatmeal baths will take care of the itching, so she tells Lorelai to go to work, and wraps herself in a blanket to camp out in the living room.

She calls Lorelai in the later afternoon. "Did you know that there's a man in Idaho who conned nine women into marrying him? Which doesn't surprise me at all, but why should that incident make it onto national television when dozens, if not hundreds, of other similar cases are overlooked every year?"

Lorelai tells her, "Stop watching Oprah."

*

There is an impossible-to-reach place on her back where the itch is driving Alex crazy, the kind of crazy that involves tinfoil hats and a vacation in Bellevue.

She enlists Lorelai's help, self-consciously wriggling out of her shirt and lying belly-down on her bed. She hands Lorelai the calamine lotion and waits.

"Huh," says Lorelai.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just really weird, because I can see the Little Dipper on your back."

Alex is used to failing to understand at least twenty percent of what Lorelai says at any given moment, but this is a whole new level of bizarre. "What are you talking about?"

"There's this bunch of scabs which, I swear, are lined up to look exactly like the Little Dipper."

"This is ridiculous, Lorelai. Now quit it with the astronomy and focus on the calamine lotion."

"Wait a minute. I think I can see Orion too."

Alex tries to get up, but Lorelai's laughing now and holding her back down, and Lorelai's fingers are rubbing her back in little circles.

Alex shivers, wishes Lorelai never to stop.

*

The doctor finally announces that Alex is ready to be re-introduced to the world. The fever is gone, the rash is gone, and she has watched the entire collection of Lorelai's DVDs.

"Hey," Alex greets as she enters the diner to meet Lorelai for breakfast.

Lorelai smiles up at her. "Look at her. All better in just a week! I'm practically Florence Nightingale," she boasts to Luke, who rolls his eyes and asks for their order.

Alex sinks down into her usual seat and scans the diner for familiar faces. "Where's Kirk?" she asks, when she realizes who's missing.

"Didn't you hear?" Lorelai says. "He has the chicken pox."  



End file.
